i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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