Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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