i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
