I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
no, he came in my armpit
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
