Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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