i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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