No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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