Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
