Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
