she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
