dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
