dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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