it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
