My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
