Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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