and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
