can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
