I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
