recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
