Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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