Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
