Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize