mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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