I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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