God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
