Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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