Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize