maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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