his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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