At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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