please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
