At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize