allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
