He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
