I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
