it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
