I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
