please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
