His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
