So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
