so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
