it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
