Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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