I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
