The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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