2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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