I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
