I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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