we have officially lost it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
