I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
