He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it hurts more in the daytime
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
