Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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