I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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