Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
