its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
