Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
