mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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