maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
