I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
