Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
