who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Houston, we have a blender
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Alive.
So much puke
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
