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I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
