All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
