Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
