She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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