i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
