can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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