which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
