so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
