i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
