Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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