I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
