got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
that is very illegal...i love you.
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