I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
