whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
