I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
