I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
