She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
