In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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