Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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