i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize