you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
