wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
