she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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