New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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