Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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