I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize