Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i've created a new STD.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
