And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
