I think my vagina is haunted
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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