I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
please don't ironically join a cult
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