The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
