I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
