I hate your face
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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