I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
please come you make the beer taste better
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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