i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize