Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
