I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
