Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
