Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
