I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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