You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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