Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
