And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My pussy is not your playground.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How's work?
Spinning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
