theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Alive.
So much puke
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
