I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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