I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
