new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize